My Only Girl Friend
July 12, 1990 was a memorable period for Benjamin who marked his 6th birthday. Celebrated amongst friends, family members and well-wishers, Benjamin was really on the top of the world as the birthday celebration took center stage in school. Dressed in a ‘cloth of many colours’ outfit, he took a pose with all his classmates. To him, even to this day, as seen in the picture taken on his birthday, he was flanked by his two truly best friends; John and Lesley. In the course of sharing of gifts to teachers and other educators of the school where he attended, what stunned Benjamin was the way Lesley took him by the hand and assisted him in the delivery of gifts, inspite of his shy disposition and inferiority complex. This gesture, Benjamin experienced, still lingers in his memory.
John was mulatto; the product of a mixed parentage of a Russian mother and Liberian father. On the other hand, Lesley Farmington was also a mixed parentage product of an American father and Ghanaian mother. Both of them cherished the personality of Benjamin, despite his deformed face and dissociation by his peers and even classmates. Very articulate, tough but considerate and beautiful, Lesley, born with a silver spoon, would associate herself with a low-life like Benjamin, who was not facially deformed but a shaggy-looking young boy. This made his classmates more jealous of his association and agreed to put him at armslenght. Yet, Lesley kept showing her affection towards Benjamin. It got to a point Benjamin saw the association with Lesley normal, not knowing someday, she would be seen no more, even for more than two decades. John, his childhood companion, left for Russia to join his mother. He would never see him again…
On a personal note, Benjamin was born on the 12th day of the seventh month of year 1984 in an unusual way. According to his mother, his was case came as a result of his coming out of his mother with his face, instead of the normal head at the point of delivery. Out of the ingenuity of the pediatric who handled his delivery case, he, rather than suffer for life permanent blindness or any form of complete cranial disorders, was made to bear the consequence of the abnormal positioning during delivery on his cheeks. Benjamin had since undergone three major surgeries; at the ages of three, four and more recently, twenty two. In short, Benjamin, an innocent victim of childbirth injury, had psychologically, physically and mentally been affected and still suffers from what the face-operating surgeon term ‘myofacial’. Worse still, his deformed face would affect his being serious relationships in years to come…
Missing the companionship of John and Lesley, he scaled through his elementary education. He proceeded to acquire his secondary school education. Although Benjamin had a lot of female friends he interacted with, his female friends of his were on a platonic stance with him. No intimacy involved. And top of that, the inferiority complex, one of the ‘buts’ in his life since his childhood, did not help matters. A year before completing his secondary school education, he was able to take a shot at a young teenage woman, who was about his age, Miriam. Miriam was a girl that admired Benjamin’s intelligence and enjoyed his company. He decided to step-up the bond. This time, in what seemed to be a giant stride to a long relationship, likely leading to marriage, Benjamin took her to the students’ library and fortunately for them, they were the only ones. It was an opportunity for Benjamin to express his feelings and intentions to Miriam, though he was a timid person. On this occasion, he summoned the bravery spirit expressed, without a word missing, how he felt for her and more importantly, proposed to her by asking: “ will you be my girlfriend?"
His supposed first and only love Miriam would have been. Alas, she replied with a blatant ‘NO!’ This left Benjamin downcast for weeks but despite his naivety, he moved on and decided to face his studies. It was not long he got taking with Jane, a year his junior. During a discussion with Jane, it was brought to his remembrance she knew him, right from his elementary school days. As a matter of fact, her school was adjacent to his. Benjamin remembered but could not figure how she knew him. She also added that he was a familiar face to her. His deformed facial appearance was what she actually referred to. The subtle way she talked so interested Benjamin that a subsequent proposal to her would emerge.
Benjamin decided to take a year at home. His friend, Martins, a next-door-neigbour to Jane, told Benjamin about the good things she said. The excitement Benjamin experienced on the inside was overwhelming. He deemed it necessary to see Jane at her place. More often than not, however, any time he came visiting, Jane was not always in the house -he later got to find out that Jane was assisting her mother at her workplace, owned by her father and she will be around during weekends. Still, at weekends, he did not get to see her. So, Benjamin decided to write her letters and send it to Martins who would deliver them to her. Unfortunately for Benjamin, she did not respond. Like someone obsessed about his distant companion, Benjamin kept coming to her place on a daily basis and met her absence. The people around the neigbourhood were suspicious of his incessant visits, took cognizance of his face and reported him to Jane’s mother. Fortune smiled onBenjamin when he checked on Jane. At the same time, misfortune became the aftermath, when Jane, being informed his presence, took to hiding, making difficult for Benjamin to see her.
Benjamin came in contact with her mother and younger sister, Lola, now a mother of one, telling him if he did not go back to where he came from, she would not mind the consequences of poring him hot water. Seeing seriousness in her as unveiled by her firm grip of the disconnected electric kettle with hot water with steam, Benjamin took a decisive U-turn back home, never to come visiting. This spelt the end of an attempted relationship with Jane.
Two weeks later, Benjamin met an old classmate of his, Ameria. Ameria is a plumb- sized, tall and outspoken lady. Her good looks, he naively thought would complement her character and above all, enable her to eventually give in to his ulterior motive; his proposed relationship to her. However, that would not be the case as he was made to understand. Instead of hitting the nail on the head, he wandered about the bush of wielding ‘irrelevant’ issues and preferred writing her LOVE letters without being responded to. It reached a point Ameria got fed up and kept him at bay. Yet, he came around visiting. She decided to arrange with some ‘street boys’ administer the greatest public embarrassment of his life. On a fateful Friday morning, Benjamin came visiting, as usual. He was about knocking the gate of her house when three heavily-built men, about twice his size, accosted him and like a criminal, ‘jacked’ him by holding his pants at the waist- line above the ground. In a show of public gallery, every Tom, Dick and Harry, including passers-by, saw Benjamin raised above the ground like a cement bag. It took the timely intervention of well-meaning persons in the street to plead on his behalf and let him go. After the disgrace, he vowed never to step his feet in that area, let alone visit Ameria. This left an indelible mark; something he would live to remember for a long time.
Two years after the completion of his secondary school education, he set out to attending a remedial school in preparation of his A-Levels. He met a charming young man, about his age, in the person of Princess. Princess, though small in size, had a large heart for everybody. She was such a sociable person, mentally matured and emotionally stable. At first sight, they had this likeness for each other. Benjamin was poised to make what would become the greatest relationship attempt. He did ask her hand in relationship, defining clearly what he wanted. Princess, a smarter of the two, put Benjamin on a suspense scale for a long time, even after the completion of studies, though she promised that a response will come in no time. Two weeks after the A-level examination was sat for, Benjamin, who was not fortunate to have her contact address but disturbed her phone line with numerous calls, received a text that read: “you, he-goat with a big mouth…why don’t you respect yourself and associate with people of your class. Go engage a she-goat because she will be your better half. No woman will go out with a face-deformed man like you. Mr. Big mouth, leave me alone!!!” This tore Benjamin’s heart apart and in shreds his mental alertness. Nonetheless, Benjamin encouraged himself and remained focused on his studies. This got him an admission into a university of his choice.
During his first year of study, he came across a certain lady, Grace. By distant observation, Grace was a reserved, physically attractive and athlete-bodied person who was a church worker. They got talking for about four months and a platonic friendship was set up. He assured Grace that someday he will talk to her privately about an important issue. This left Grace unsettled. A ‘when?’ question confirmed her curiosity and a ‘soon’ response by Benjamin heightened it. Joel, Benjamin’s course mate and friend whose experiences in relationship with and dating women were unquestioned, stated that the best ladies one can engage in serious relationships with are the ‘young church ladies’. Benjamin took this statement very seriously and fate would have it, they both became members of the same campus fellowship! After fellowship hours, Benjamin made known his intention to Grace who reminded him of the need to discuss privately -within the church premises the sensitive statement he made weeks back.
Grace tried a suspense approach by saying:’ let’s wait for God’s time…I mean the right time’.
Benjamin replied:’ the right time is now!’ This put Grace off. She angrily stood up from the chair she sat, just adjacent to Benjamin’s sitting position and left for hostel.
Internal problems arose and for the next six months, the school would be shut down. During this period, contrary to what Benjamin thought (Grace being at home with the rest of her family), Grace spent most of her ‘stay-at-home’ days with the pastor of the campus fellowship where they both attend. He frequently made phone calls to Grace, wanting to know what her stance was, not knowing that she was not only receiving the calls from Benjamin in the presence of Henry, the campus fellowship pastor but also recording the voice conversation as evidences to other top-ranking members of the fellowship. This continued for the next six months. Benjamin never knew the whole world would know about what went on. School activities resumed and so was the fellowship’s activity. He had no clue that the world would be against him for this act. After fellowship, Henry, through his assistant, Danny, sought for a 15-minute attention of Benjamin on an important issue. It was at that point Benjamin was made to understand that ‘nothing is actually hidden from the sun’. With evidences leveled against him, Danny warned Benjamin not to try such thing again because it was against the fellowship’s rule -a facthe knew after two years of been an active member of the church. Ever since, other ladies in the fellowship who knew about what happened associated less with him, unlike what they used to do. Some days later, after a lecture, decided to see Grace at her hostel to inquire of how Henry and Danny got to know about what happened.
To his surprise, Grace replied: “such is life”. Now, Benjamin was thoroughly convinced that Grace was the one who unveiled it to them.
To confirm his intuition, Benjamin asked her “what is such about life?”
She replied: “I don’t want to talk about it”.
Benjamin knew that she was not interested and took a walk out of her life. He went back to concentrate fully on his studies.
Towards the completion of his tertiary studies, Benjamin came across a lovely girl, Charity. At this point, he saw as a game of luck wining a woman. Hence, he decided to give his so-called new catch a try using an apparently mesmerizing text message, all boiling down to asking out for a relationship.
She called back, saying: “Ben, I love you with the love of God. But unfortunately, I am engaged”.
Benjamin saw her as a good friend, from then on. About the time, Benjamin proposed to Lala, a part-time student and friend of two years.
She responded, saying: “I see you as a friend, not a lover. I am in a committed relationship”.
In the same fellowship, Maria, whom Benjamin asked outtwo weeks after the ugly ordeal in the hands of Grace, perhaps heard about it and wanted to tread the step her predecessor took, made a fatal mistake by voice calling him, saying: “I will report you to pastor. Don’t disturb me. Get out!”
Benjamin saved the message on his phone and sent it to all his friends, including Faith, her fellow course mate. It was from the mouth of Faith and the same voice message -sent through Benjamin’s phone on her pone that made Maria knew that every Tom, Dick and Harry knew about the incident. She did get back at Benjamin when she told her Cousin, Fits, Benjamin’s friend, a stout but mean cultist, about the development. Fits confronted Benjamin and threatened to deal with him severely, should he try such a thing.
To save his head, he replied: “this will be the end, I promise”. Since then, his companion had been his studies.
Two years after graduation, still single but not searching still reminisce what took place over twenty two years ago- his birthday celebration, with Lesley being his companion through thick and thin till her sudden departure. When the issue of boyfriend and girlfriend relationship is raised, Benjamin is always fond of saying: “Lesley is my only girlfriend " according to Joel, Ben's friend of six years.