Sexually,
Are
Your
Worth
Being
Faithful
To?
As Written By:
Mr. Ben
Preface
Ordinarily, if you were to use this questionnaire to different individuals in your sphere of contact, you will likely get an overwhelming ‘yes’ responses. As a matter of fact, an individual asked such a question may say; ‘my relationship is secure and I am committed. Therefore, I am sexually worth being faithful to’. For an individual who is married, he or she may say something like: ‘as married couples, we are sexually faithful to each other. So why ask the question?’
Realistically, there Is sharp contrast to the previously given responses as there is an overwhelming demise in relationships-many men and women who had engaged in relationships have their sad stories to tell. Moreover, insecurity and doubt have wrecked many marriages that ‘divorce’ is a household name, all pointing at the insincerity of individuals to answer the question in the questionnaire (the title of this classic). Simply, this is of the issues responsible for demise of relationships, estranged and divorced marital status of various individuals.
If they had only taken their time to put into consideration certain yardsticks which are seen as trivial, they would have probably handled their relationships and marriages better. ‘What are yardsticks?’ A question you may ask.
Again, in your sphere of contact, if you have people who can really confide in you about their state of relationships or marriages (in terms of their sex lives), you would appreciate the essence of the asked question. In relationship or marriage, some may say ‘if I see him in the after-life, I would take to my heels!’, ‘in the next world, I will never submit myself sexually to that guy; he’s responsible for my predicament’, and so on. These would not have been uttered only if they had known. Known what?
Before we proceed, this question is directed to you: ‘sincerely, are you sexually worth being faithful to, in your relationship or marriage’? If it is a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answer; only time will tell! Can we proceed??
Dedication
To those who want to be trusted and the trusted
Acknowledgement
First and foremost, all thanks must be given to God Almighty, the author and finisher of this great masterpiece. He is the indefatigable backbone of this work piece. Without Him, I would not have conceived the idea.
To friends whose stories have one way or the other contributed to the success of this work, I want to say a big ‘thank-you’. You are more than the purest diamonds in the world to me!
To family members who have given their ‘go-ahead’ encouragements, I really appreciate them. I would say ‘thank you very much. You have done well!
Introduction
The classic, Sexually, Are You Worth Being Faithful To? Is an interest that focuses on what make the issues of sex responsible for demise in relationships, estranged and divorced marital status by investigating the apparently considered trivial yardsticks and proffers rightly faithfulness approach to individuals who are in various relationships or married.
It is a must-read, must-have and must-keep work piece that has points, analogous to chapters, the trivialized yardsticks. The points are in the form of questions, striking phrases, and profound expressions. The points include the following:
Point1: How many times have you engaged in sex before marriage?
Point2: How many relationships have you been in, what kind of relationships were they and what led to the ‘break-ups’?
Point 3: In The relationship you are in presently, do you still have any crush on any you have dated? Are you secretly involved in any illicit affair with any of them, despite your current relationship?
Point 4: If you are married or in a relationship, would you compromise the faithfulness in the institution you are in, if given a tempting but favourable situation such that no one would know what really happened until the world ends?
Point 5: Men, would you be faithful to your wives or wives-to-be, despite ageing physical appearance and chose to ignore ‘sizzling’ attractive young women?
Point6: The only physically sacred possession of a woman is her virginity…
Point 7: Women, would you still uphold faithfulness to your husbands or husbands to-be, despite infidelity on their part or their not being able to perform?
Point 8: The natural law of sowing and reaping is real.
Point 9: The best time to appreciating sexual faithfulness is marriage…
The points mentioned are seemingly seen as trivial yardsticks. The (sincere) answers and follow-up of point 9 will respectively determine whether or not an individual is faithful and level of one’s faithfulness.
If you really want to swim through the water of a successful relationship and marriage completely, then, you must be ready to get thoroughly soaked in the complete questioning and sincerity-based answers to questions that appeal to you.
Let’s sail through the points!
Point 1
At this juncture, it is important to assert this: in a relationship or marriage, there are two virtues that bind individuals together; love and sex. The former is a product of heartfelt affection reflected as the outward value placed on by both parties while the latter is genuinely an expression (in form of direct physical contact) of the value placed by both parties.
Point 1 is a questionnaire that inquires into the sexual fidelity of an individual. It could be you! However, we take individual A as case study. Individual A could be a male or female. The question is asked: ‘individual A, How many times did you engage in sex before this time’; marriage? You will be amazed at the likely responses you would get. Individual A may not answer, believing you want to infringe on his or her privacy. Individual A would likely give you a questionable numeric figure, taking your question with levity. Interestingly, Individual A may respond by unleashing life-threatening words and actions on you!
If sex is an engaged activity, should it been seen as an off-the-record event, documented, kept as secret for a while (but think of this question: is anything hidden under the sun?) or a thing to be remembered when you are in your grave!?
If you want it to be kept as secret for a while, t hen think of the question asked. The person you had it with could decide to unveil to his or her world what really happened. In time, this it may bring implications. Remember, the wall has ears.
If it should be remembered when you are in your grave, what an exclamation it is. No one to share this ‘burden’ with? Frankly, you are in a world of your own.
If it is worth documenting (and remembering), then you should be congratulated! You are about exercising empirical knowledge on individuals (the wise ones; enabling them learn what can vaguely be thought or taught.
A number of times individual A had engaged in sex before the ‘time’ or marriage is by number of fathomable, provided there is an up-to-date record or documentation. Awkward, isn’t it? Take a cue from this:
A serious-minded businessman keeps records of his daily transactions or business activities. No matter his schedule and volume of transaction, he knows the essence of keeping records and documenting them for future references. Otherwise, he is considered an irresponsible individual who does not know the worth of what he is doing and is in the business just to dilly-ally his time. Similarly, keeping records of your sex activities will none or the other define your sex disposition (one of the determinants of your sexual fidelity), if not now but in future.
Unfortunately, many individuals are guilty of this. It can be inferred form the first paragraph that individuals are so ‘bonded’ to multiple sex partners that they can rarely remember the exact number of people they had ‘slept with’ before marriage. This probably accounts for their negligence in record keeping. Hence, they are arguably seen as irresponsible and unfaithful. Come to think of it, if you cannot in concrete terms assert the number of times you had engaged in sex before marriage, what makes your sex life different from that of a whore or sex maniac? The following are question-based analysis that ‘digs’ into the number of times Individual A had had sex. In fact, they provide clues to enable the individual remember (and subsequently keep records of his or her activity) this engagement.
1) When did you loose your virginity?
2) How was the feeling?
3) Did you continue to have this ‘feel’?
4) Have you engaged in a one-night stand or for-the-moment sex before?
5) How comfortable do you feel letting people know about your escapades? Does anyone know about your different sex affairs?
6) For how long can you stay without having sex? If the timing is exceeded, can you afford to ‘do it’ with anyone you come across?
7) If you see the person responsible for your virginity loss, how do you sincerely see the individual?
The sincerity-driven answers given by you will determine, in a way, whether or not you are worth sexually being faithful to. It can be sated that the number of times individual A had engaged in sex before marriage is partly dependent on relationships engaged.
One thing is certain: the answer to the ‘question’ is responsible for the obvious emergency of infidelity amongst individuals in various relationships.
Point 2
Point 2 discusses the fact that most sexual relations are partly dependent on the various relationships individuals have had. Since the issue of sexual fidelity is one of the factors that lead to demise in relationships, we will therefore fix our gaze on this issue as it would be used to X-ray certain relationship-based matters.
Sadly, many individuals have engaged themselves in failed ‘i-love-you’ relationships or ‘using’ their partners like disposable syringes, no thanks to self gratification!
To an extent, the way you’ve handled past sexual relationships accounts for the level of approach you currently deal with issues concerning marital sex. Consider this instance: In school, students are given tests to ascertain their understanding about the subject or course of study. Subsequently, an examination is given to know how well they have assimilated the taught intents of the subject matter. In the same vein, relationships ought to be seen as tests of individuals’ fidelity assessment. On the other hand, marriages paint a bigger picture-the life-long examinations which ought to be for-life determinants of the fidelity of married couples. Unfortunately, the answer to the question ‘did you really pass the tests and how well are you succeeding or making progress in your current examination’? is practically very vague.
Unequivocally, one of the factors that lead to cutting short meant-to-be long term relationships is unfaithfulness. It is time we started to define the kind of relationships that is engaged in, except for sexual gratification. Why? If you are a Christian, Muslim or Moralist, you would appreciate these assertions: it is easier to deliver a demon-possessed person than a perpetual fornicator or adulterer/adulteress. Committing fornication and adultery account for the respective ‘break-ups’ between individuals and eventual separation or divorce between married couples. Committing adultery is majorly an outcome of past-related and incessant urge and action of committing fornication.
A good friend of mine, Cynthia, has been involved in various relationships with several guys. Her first relationship was characterized by her first love’s infidelity. Hence, an eventual ‘break-up’ resulted. At this point, I cannot really say whether or not she is at fault for the demise in her subsequent relationships. They all ended unpleasantly that at the time she told me the story, the despair was obviously seen through her eyes. Now, she is confused. If she had taken her time to point out the specifics of relationships she engaged in, such outcomes should have been averted.
A decent individual who has been involved in different sex-linked relationships should know the number of people he or she had dated. Otherwise, such an individual could have been seen as a harlot, slut, maniac or pervert. To you, can you sincerely answer the question: how many guys or ladies you have had sex-linked relations with? Let us assume you sincerely don’t have records of your escapades, you can fathom the number of individuals you’ve engaged yourself with. Arguably, the number of relationships you have engaged in will determine the level of tenacity to ‘hold-on’ in the relationships engaged and eventually influence your approach to handling issues regarding fidelity.
Do you have any deep but secret crush for any of the individuals, despite your current relationship?
Point 3
Cindy is a banker by profession. She has been involved in several relationships but none of them worked. The men she dated exploited her financially and subsequently disappeared into thin air. The stroke of luck smiled on her when a dashing good-looking and ready-for-marriage man came as the client she had to attend, on a fateful Monday morning. They got talking professionally and personally. And as time progressed, they got to know each other better and later became lovers. Meanwhile, Cindy passionately loved her ex-boyfriend who absconded with her money. Inspite of her recent relationship status with her client-turned-lover, she conceives a present feel of her absent ex-boyfriend. Though she loved this gentleman, her affection strongly tended towards her ex.
After a sojourn in the United States, her ex, now married, jetted into the country, only to find out the lady he betrayed is seriously engaged to her husband to-be, the client-turned lover. On hearing the arrival of ex, the rosy love affair soon turned to a pathetic cat and dog situation as she was fond of pointing at his shortcomings and unnecessarily nagging about his weaknesses. Getting the contacts of her Ex’s whereabouts, she sneaked during her ‘free-time’ and secretly met her once-upon-a-time lover to rekindle old times they spent together. Although she informed her ex about her current relationship, she never declined seeing him regularly. On the other hand, the gentleman loves his wife to-be dearly and is very faithful to her despite advances from several women.
It can easily be inferred that Cindy’s ex exploited her, absconded and came back after a long absence and did not truncate the long-standing affection she had for him but ironically established obvious recognition of infidelity towards her soon will-be husband. This incident is a pictured expression of what really happens to those who are involved in different relationships but have crushes on their ex-lovers. If appropriate caution is not properly exercised, the likelihood that there will be illicit affairs is almost certain.
In marriages, most individuals are faced with the clause of compromising their sworn faithfulness to their husbands or wives to get what they want, no thanks to precarious and inauspicious challenges. Can faithfulness be depicted, given this situation? Meanwhile, if you are asked the question that sincerely demands your answer; in the relationship you are in, do you have any crush on any of the date you had in the past or are you still involved in any illicit affair, what would your answer be?
Point 4
Andrew, a down-to-earth and ambitious young man, came from a humble background. James, on the other hand, Andrew’s friend, a care-free and complacent dude, was born with a silver spoon. They were friends since their days on campus. Andrew and James operated in a symbiotic manner-Andrew does the thinking while James carries out its execution via the use of money. Socially, Andrew had an upper hand over James as women flocked around him. James was unlucky with women as they come to him for the purpose of his money. Though he knew what their motive was, James was left with the Hobson’s choice than to get along with them on the ground of ‘attained reward’.
They both graduated and respectively worked as a Lawyer and cosmetic owner (Andrew and James). James continued his exuberant care-free lifestyle by lavishing his moneyed status on women while Andrew, a lawyer, diligently worked with his colleagues at his boss’ chambers. In no time, he found his heartthrob, Linda.
Linda is a professionally trained sound engineer who works on a freelance basis, locally and internationally. Their relationship blossomed when both parties decided to tie the knots after in-depth and rigorous search toward knowing each other. They did so by engaging themselves in a relationship (courting).
Meanwhile, James, the so-called ladies’ man and money bag, really painted the town red as his bevy of ladies were flanked around him; lavishing his money. He did this mostly when he was off-duty, on leave of absence or weekends.
Linda is a subtle, decent, kind-hearted, intelligent, God-fearing, light-skinned beautiful and principled young woman that every man would want to have as a wife. Andrew decided to let James know about his fiancée. Unknown to Andrew, his decision led to their six-year-old friendship hit the rocks. How?
From then on, James started keeping at armslenght Andrew by avoiding his phone calls, withdrew from his usual weekend visits to Andrew at his residence and instructed the guards in his home not to allow Andrew in, whenever he came visiting. Hell was let loose when James in broad-day light confronted Andrew at his residence, uttering obnoxious words concerning his parents and humble background; how poor they are, what the menacing effect of poverty had constituted in his family and how he financially saw him through the university. In shock, Andrew inquired of James his unruly behaviour. Surprisingly, James replied with resounding slaps on Andrew’s cheeks. In retaliation, Andrew responded by ‘returning’ the slaps at James and a fierce fight resulted that it took the ‘men of valour’ in Andrew’s neigbourhood to make peace. Despite this move, there was an uneasy calm as both men were ranting words at each other.
At this time, Linda had no idea of what happened as she was busy doing what brings to her joy-sound engineering in her studio. The altercation that existed between both men resulted in neither James nor Andrew burying the hatchet as James was egoistic and Andrew was seeking an apology from James. Although there were attempts by family members, friends and business associates and Linda to reconcile the two titans, there was an abortive outcome as both parties failed to put aside their differences. Thereafter, they called it quits to their six-year-old relationship.
Work was going on well for Andrew and James as Andrew made a mark in his boss’ chambers as the most outstanding barrister of the year and James recorded huge turn-overs and maximized profits. In fact, James became more moneyed than Andrew but Andrew’s fame grew stronger under the auspices of his boss.
Work was progress all the way until a fateful day where there was a reported 12.5 million-dollar fraud from Andrew’s desk and subsequent information was passed on the desk of the boss for prompt resolution. Whether or not Andrew was responsible for what happened, Andrew was not only sacked, he was given a 2-year jail sentence and his properties were confiscated.
Andrew was granted bail by Linda’s lawyer only to discover he owned nothing-his assets were sold to balance the misappropriated deficit. Starting from the scratch! Linda was left with no choice other than to seek for assistance form Andrew’s friend-cum-enemy, James. It was crystal clear that the rift between Andrew and James was still fresh. Hence, Andrew could not by himself see James. Linda explained to James in detail Andrew’s pathetic condition and what led to his present deplorable living. James finally agreed to resuscitate Andrew’s financial stance but with a clause; Linda sleeps with him for a week without the use of a contraceptive! Andrew needed to start his career afresh and requires money and had no family member and friend to his rescue. Only James!
Linda is presently stuck between the devil and deep blue sea. If you were Linda, what would you do? Would you compromise your faithfulness to Andrew and be given what you urgently needed without his knowledge about what really happened or decline the offer ( with the attached clause) and make Andrew live in abject poverty? The sincere answers to the asked questions are the ‘pass marks’ or scores of your sexual faithfulness.
A promising young lady who just married her sweetest heartthrob, Bobby, is facing one of the worst crises in her life-it was discovered that Bobby had a kidney failure a forthnight after his wedding and medically required an urgent twenty-thousand dollar kidney transplant. Else, Bobby’s condition will deteriorate and lead to his death, if no proper care is taken.
The promising young lady, Kenya, had an old relationship with Collins but ‘broke-up’ due to Collins’ excesses; flamboyant lifestyle and unquenching thirst for women. She decided to see her very-wealthy Collins on the issue of her husband-explaining his medical plight and the urgent need for assistance. Collins obliged her but stipulated the condition that she must ‘make love’ to him now, during subsequent surgical operation and even when he is fully recovered. Bobby has just three weeks to live and she has a forthnight to raise the amount.
Sincerely, what would you do if you were Kenya? Would you accept such a condition and raise money or you declined risking the life of your just-married husband? The actual sincerity of your answer would be reflected in the statement ‘only time will tell’
Point 5
A young man goes to a Film vendor to purchase an en vogue film that has the movie title, ‘Prison Break’. He takes it home to watch. Indeed, the movie was fascinating; suspense-filled, educative that it kept him glued to the edge of his seat. He decides to play the Compatible Disc (CD) plate on his CD player, over and over again for about a fortnight. As a movie viewer, don’t you think he would get bored of watching ‘Prison Break’ at a point? Don’t you think he would opt for other en vogue films that have must-watch movie titles?
The correct answers to the questions depict the typical characteristics of a man, whether or not in a relationship or married. In this case, we focus on married men. Most times, married men are easily moved by what they see-the sizzling attractive ladies. No doubt, the nature of man makes him respond to things he sees, whether married or not. Consider the institution of higher learning. It is generally anticipated that individuals enrolling or who are in citadels of higher learning depict maturity (well behaved and responsible for decisions made). Therefore, childish tendencies are put off and maturity is embraced.
In the same vein, men, who are about getting married should put away youthful exuberances such as practically running after ladies with ‘hot’ skirts and fully embrace the institution of marital maturity as sworn by binding oaths. Else, the consequences may bore on the man and the entire innocent family.
Unfortunately, how many married men are actually staying married, that is, keeping the oath sworn on the altar and upholding the virtues of faithfulness to their wives? If they are few or many, are you in the number?
Most men who after the ‘scribbling’ exercise get their ‘Mrs. Rights’ from a host of several kinds can be closely compared to the young man who acquired the en vogue ‘Prison Break’. Obviously, the ‘Miss. Rights’ are taken to their matrimonial homes of their respective spouses. Of course, the pleasure and bliss of their Miss. Rights’ companionship would make them be head over hills in love with them, again and again. At a point, it becomes a routine. Hence, stereotypic in nature. Their spouses become too familiar with them and get bored of their company. With time, they begin to uncontrollably point at certain weaknesses of their wives and express dis-satisfaction of their wives’ abilities to please them. Undoubtedly, this not-encouraging circumstance marks the beginning of an analogous opting for ‘better’ Compact Disc films (bevy of ladies) with en vogue movie titles at the vendor’s shop(outside matrimony).
An older friend of mine, Mr. John McFaul has been married for half a decade. His wedding was a memorable event to me as I could remember he and his wife, Stacy was basking in the euphoria of this awesome bliss. Indeed, the ceremony attracted the presence of the society’s ‘who is who’ and a state-of-the-art decorative touch made the event worth attending. Stacy is a slim, light-skinned person with a good physique and has a commanding aura of hospitality, humility and patience. The only ‘but’ about her is her difficulty to communicating effectively. She left high school pre-maturely due to her parent’s inability to completely fund her education. She is since being funding herself by engaging in various vocational and menial jobs. At the time she got married to Mr. John McFaul, she had to her credit a high school certificate. Mt John met her at a shopping mall and subsequently, they exchanged contacts. One thing led to the other, and they became man and wife. Inspite of her comparatively low educational status, John promised to love her and fund her in all her tertiary education years. Of course, John is an established business guru with an MBA in Business Administration.
Two years later, Stacy gave birth to her first child. Everything seem to go in the favour of John and Stacy as the former prospered in his business endeavours (realizing mind-blowing profits) and the latter excelled in her home duties as a wife and mother and in her dispensing store built by John, her husband. The meant-to-be marital bliss turned into a period of chaos as John met his old female friend who jilted him years ago in her university days. Her name is Mabel. Mabel soon ‘stole’ the heart of John and denied Stacy the needed attention by spoiling him with precious gifts, taking him to exotic places to make up for the wrong she did to him. John was fond of keeping late nights, no longer eat her food and complains of her excess weight increase. Unknown to Stacy, John has been exploring a sizzling, en vogue Mabel outside his marriage.
Today, things are going well penultimate John’s extra marital affair with Mabel. It is sad to know that till this moment, Stacy is not aware of what is really on and Mabel is aware of his marital status. They are just secret lovers! Though Stacy has added pounds of flesh to her skin, does this give him the reason to do what he is doing? When I directed this question to him, he responded, saying: ‘it’s one thing to get married; it’s another to stay married. If I had known that marriage would be like this, I wouldn’t have been married. My wife keeps appreciating heavily in size, making it unbearing to lay with her, her springless boobs are no longer inviting as they used to, I don’t enjoy making love to my wife because she is too crude in her approach. We have two kids. And I want more but her size becoming unbearable for me. Alternatively, I have a confidant and mistress, by the name Mabel. She’s cute, romantic, well-traveled and sexually more experienced. These are really what I need in a woman but are absent with my wife’. I asked him; ‘didn’t you see these qualities in Stacy before you married her’. He smiled and responded this way ‘with time you’ll understand!’
To an extent, most married men, after years of marriage portray this disposition. They fail to realize the essential fact about marriage-an institution where ‘childish tendencies’ (the normal lady-hunting exercise) would have to be clearly replaced by maturity (hold on hook, line and sinker to the sworn oath to be faithful to their spouse, no matter what happens). It is a decision where you have to sacrificially carry for the rest of your life cross of faithfulness. Simply, it involves substituting your usual women hunting to wife keeping. How many of us are really carrying this cross?
The following are likely reasons men chose to find gratification outside their matrimonial convenience. Thus, becoming sexually unfaithful to their wives.
a) An overwhelming increase in size after years of marriage
b) Saggy or springless barest orientation
c) Poor sleeping habits (snoring)
d) Stereotyped approach to love making
e) Absence of charisma, intellectual power and aura of hospitability
f) Routine approach to household issues.
Personally, if after 3-4 years of marriage, you discover one of these factors are seen in your wife, would this form the reason behind your finding sexual solace outside your matrimonial home?
Point 6
In the introduction of this classic, it was asserted that the greatest physical asset or most sacred possession a woman has is her virginity. As a matter of fact, it was originally ‘inputted’ to be ruptured at the best time…marriage. Believe it or not, this statement is true about a woman’s virginity.
The only physically sacred, most valued and truly cherished possession of a woman is her God-given virginity. Without this, irrespective of status, she is treated or likely to be treated as other women. Consequence(s)? A likelihood of high level of insecurity and doubt reflected as infidelity-continued fornication and adultery. The way out? A genuine and thorough spiritual overhaul.
Have you ever wondered why Coca-Cola is the most successful and arguably the richest soft bottling company in the world, despite trying times (financial down-turns)? The coded approach in terms of the hidden secrets regarding the unusual concentration mixture added to brings out its unique taste. However, if the secret of the established-in-1886 Coca-Cola was known, many soft bottling companies will go the length to trample and possibly wipe out of existence, its recognition. On the other hand, consumers will treat the brand as others because there is no significant difference from other soft-bottling companies.
Another instance is the yet-to-be-fully –decrypted Da Vinci code of the Monalisa portrait; the most priceless earthly commodity. This is so because of the special encryption producing a distinct work piece. It cannot be bought by even the world’s richest man. In fact, modern X-ray can only reveal three visible versions of the Monalisa portrait. Otherwise, if completely decrypted, then it would not be as special as it used to be.
Similarly, the virginity of a woman is ‘encrypted’- it involves the consent of the woman to decrypt, normally. Put simply, it is the ‘code’ or God-given input that ought to be unveiled at the best time. This is the reason most men are crazy after female virgins. They are seen as specials, distinct and in all aspects, sacred. Else, they will be treated like other women.
However, many young women are fast loosing their virginity in today’s world and are seen as potential sex objects by the opposite sex, the male gender. Some of the fall victims of sexual abuse and humiliation, no thanks to pre-marital sex and later become like disposable syringes by their partners in subsequent relationships, using a deceptive ‘i-love-you’ expression.
At this juncture, if you are not personally convinced about the uniqueness of a woman’s virginity, then a question would have to be asked. Although not every one of us keep records of our sex lives before marriage, a considerable number of us can remember the first day we made love (lost our virginity)! Here comes the question ‘can you remember when you lost your virginity?’ If yes, it will linger for eternity.
Another question is: ‘since you lost your virginity, were you faithful to your partner who was responsible for your being deflowered or were you playing or basking in the euphoria of sexual expedition with other partners in your subsequent relationships?’
A result of pre-mature loss of a woman’s virginity is one of the factors accounting for infidelity-continued fornication and adultery. Pre-mature virginity loss creates a subsequent ‘no-value’ label of a woman. This is what accounts for the ‘use and dump’ outcomes of every relationship engaged.
Point 7
Point 7 is the female analogy of Point 5. Precisely, it is a test that put practically answer-them-for-yourself questions the steadfastness of a woman’s fidelity as against her husband’s (or fiancé’s) infidelity or sterility. There are two stories that would test your faithfulness on the issues of fidelity and sterility.
Natasha has been married to Daniel for two years. The couple is blessed with three wonderful kids. Daniel, a construction engineer, works with a leading construction firm in Polokwane, South Africa and Natasha, a professional interior decorator, is self-employed. Daniel is a physically built handsome young man with great prospects and Natasha is just his complement. The only shortcoming Daniel is battling with is the acceptance of proposed illicit affairs from women. Though married, Daniel has a seemingly insatiable thirst for what lies ‘under the woman’s skirt’
Information of his escapades with women had on several occasions reached the ears of faithful Natasha. However, she chose to take what was reported about her husband with a pinch of salt. His woman-hunting habit got to a point he could not stomach the ‘passion’ of what he believed brought him soothing relief as he took ladies who agree to go on a lust-filled expedition with him to his matrimonial home, disrespecting the sanctity of his current situation and the personality of his wife.
It became glaring to Natasha that the information heard were not fabricated. They were simply realities in action! Thereafter, there was an uneasy calm in Daniel home as Daniel and Natasha kept ranting words of abhorrence at each other to the hearing of their kids. It resulted to chaos; Natasha had a ‘show-of-strength’ fight with one of Daniel’s mistresses.
As time progressed, Natasha and Daniel kept aloof form each other-Daniel refused to take part in Natasha’s prepared meals, kept late nights, went ahead womanizing and Natasha, though faithful, widened the communication gap by not sleeping in the same room with Daniel-both of them rarely talk except the uttered words of greeting.
At her place of work, an opulent young man, McPherson had special interest in Natasha that he promised to financially project her business to a mega standard one if she could spend quality time with him at his magnificent edifice. Aware of her marital status, McPherson kept making tempting advances at her but she is not willing to give in easily.
Considering the fact that Daniel has in a way deprived Natasha sexual gratification, her friends are encouraging her to ‘get down’ with the well-to-de McPherson. If you were in Natasha’s shoes, what would you do?
Adelaide, born of mixed parentage, is married to Lucy, a Jamaican-born Liberian. Adelaide is romantic, affectionate and very considerate. Inspite of his intimidating posture, he couldn’t hurt a fly and was loved dearly by his wife, Lucy. Lucy, a slim, active intelligent and very beautiful lady is Adelaide’s ‘bone of his bones’. They have been living happily for almost ten years but are yet to usher in a child. The couple, after intense series of fertility tests, discovered that Adelaide was sterile-he wouldn’t be able to get his wife pregnant penultimate an Artificial Insemination is carried out.
After six months of intense insemination, Lucy finally took in. Nine months on, she was delivered of a bouncing set of male twins. It was very blissful as the couple was filled with tears of joy, dripping from their eyes and was flanked by neigbours, friends, and business associates and an army of extended family members who graced the event by showering them and the ‘welcome-to-mother-earth’ twins exorbitant gifts and other soul-lifting possessions.
Several months after the event, the lingering challenge of Adelaide not being able to sexually gratify Lucy’s growing urge became eminent as Lucy kept complaining(lovingly) about his impotency. This matter had long deliberated amongst family members and friends but no concrete resolution was made.
Lucy decided on a weekend to pay an old friend of her’s, Maya, a visit. She was opportune to meet Maya’s cousin, Michael- a tall, splendid- and smart-looking guy. Lucy’s eye of lust caught the attention of Michael as both parties looked at each other with a passion.
Three months later, Adelaide went on a two-month business trip to Canada. About the same time, Michael, a young and an ambitious bachelor, specially invited Lucy to attend his birthday party and spend quality time with him at his apartment.
Taking to consideration that Lucy had been sex-starved for a long time, Adelaide is away for two months and Michael invited Lucy not only to his birthday party but to spend sometime at his apartment, if you were Lucy, what decision would you (personally and sincerely) make? The ball is left in your court!
Point 8
If you plant a maize seed, you should be anticipating a harvest of maize (all other things being equal). It will be lucidly absurd for you to sow a maize seed with the expectation to reap a tuber of yam! It is naturally impossible! Simply, what you sow, that you shall reap.
Due to the vague presence of distrust, most husbands have familiarized themselves with the ‘benefit of a doubt’ expression concerning their wives’ infidelity and vice versa. In most ‘growing’ relationships, young men use condoms or what can generally be termed ‘contraceptives’ on their so-called girlfriends or spouses, all in the name of preventing unwanted pregnancies. Really, if you sincerely ask them the reason behind why they do that, the answers you would get point at the result of infidelity-sexually transmitted diseases (compare this to point 6, the last paragraph). If at all you truly express trust in your partner’s fidelity, then why use a condom? If it is for the fear of pregnancy, then why ‘do it’ in the first place; afterall, anything worth doing comes with a price and birth consequences. Can you pay the price and accommodate the consequences of indulging in it? If no, why don’t you deny yourself of sexual gratification till marriage?
Ordinarily, you should not anticipate (after a sojourn of ‘tasting the waters’ of sexual gratification) to suddenly become faithful for the rest of your life to your wife or husband. Rather, there will be a likelihood of continued extra-marital sex. It only takes the special grace of God and sheer-determination to reverse the consequence(s).
If you are a romantic movie viewer, you are made to believe that a reality could be drawn. For instance, in the case of a man who had ‘engaged’ many ladies and ‘suddenly’ be faithful to his eventual partner. My dear, face it, we are in a real world. Moreover, most of the characters are realistically not models to emulate (in the light of embracing marital longevity, fidelity and other spousal virtues) because their personal lives have been characterized by several divorce cases and unforetold factors leading to demise in their relationships. These are partly consequences of trivializing yardsticks such as the mentioned Points (1-7).
Most couples who before their present marital status have not completely ceased from the habit of pre-marital sex will most likely involve themselves in extra-marital sex; engaging in illicit affairs, with either of the parties cheating on each other or worst still, both parties cheating on each other ( with or without the knowing of any of the parties).
‘How can I practically embrace full sexual fidelity, can I still be sexually worth being faithful to, despite my incessant sex activities and can my wife (or wife to-be) or husband (or husband to-be) express trust in my fidelity to him or her, hook, line and sinker? Questions are really pleading for answers!
Point 9
No doubt, ‘there is no smoke without fire’ expression holds great waters. Every form of sexual fidelity has a way out but depends on the individual’s sheer-determination (and with the help of the God factor) to preclude himself or herself from the shackles of sexual fidelity, in a relationship or marriage. It is possible you become sexually worth being faithful to. However, we must identify with this expression as basis of proffering the right approach of faithfulness to individuals who are in relationships and marriage.
‘The best time to appreciate sexual fidelity is when individuals have painstakingly prepared themselves by “holding on” in the relationships engaged through thick and thin till the time marriage and continue the spirit until death do them part’. This expression is only vivid if the parties involved can in concrete terms define their relationships in the light of marriage. We would consider the right approach to faithfulness from Points (1-7).
Point 1: No matter how meager, apparently insignificant or pleasure-filled of what you do, it is appreciated only if you are true to it (a statement of faithfulness). Hence, your level of sexual fidelity is depicted on the records of partners you have engaged with. It shows you are no means a harlot or sex maniac but an interest worth trusting and a recognition who seeks to live right.
Point 2: As stated, it is advisable not to root the foundation of your relationship on sex. Else, sexual infidelity will wake from its slumber and dominate. If you are in another relationship, completely call it quits to your previous relationship and focus on the present by completely barring any form of ‘attractions’ from your previous relationship.
Point 3: This is a precise follow-up of Point 2.
Point4: Always realize that there is no going back to the past. Focus on the present relationship or marital status and make the best out of it. No matter the offers given, take note that the institution you are is a sacrifice made and or price paid. So, decline to them (at the expense of urgent material or financial desire)
Point 5: Learn to practically embrace maturity-engage more in wife keeping and avoiding women hunting. It will do a lot good to you. It is in your interest. With the help of God and sheer-determination, you can achieve this feat.
Point 6: If you are still a virgin, then congratulations! To really prevent you from pre-marital deflowering, the following should be recommended
1) Keep a good company that you can relate issues of your state easily with.
2) In case of any noticed mis-direction or confusion about coping with your sexuality, seek for God-given advice from an older and more experienced God-fearing adult or counselor.
3) By studying diligently your bible, develop a God-inspired mindset.
4) Developing your God-given potentials; let it be a part of you. In time, you will see people (men and women) who are willing to support all the way, for perverse or genuine reasons. In the process of actualizing ‘that goal’ using your potentials, many advances will come from different man or women. All you need do is to invite them to help you accomplish your dream. You would have sieved the ‘grains’ from the ‘chaffs’. To the ‘smart’ ones, just say to them: ‘if you love me, you should wait for me. Afterall, the largest bone wait for those who wait’
Remember: In as much as a man has his will, a woman will always have her way. As a woman, you can use your preserved feminine sacredness as a positive asset towards attaining greatness instead of ‘de-feminizing’ and posing a huge liability to others.
If you are not a virgin, all hope is not lost. You could still be a secondary virgin by promising yourself ‘come what may, I have decided to be chaste’. Though it is a hard nut to crack decision, it is worth it, considering the reward that comes thereafter. And take a cue from the recommendations previously given.
Point 7: Remember the oath you swore to your husband on the altar. Do you believe in its efficacy? Do you know at the moment you took the oath, your cross became his and vice versa? For your good, carry the burdens of marital challenges and cast them on the Lord, your God for He will surely help you.
‘All men and women were created to be good to each other but the manner of approach is responsible for the obvious gender discrepancies existing on earth, from the pre-historic era to a time where time (itself) ceases to exist’… Mr. Ben
Once again, Are You Sexually Worth Being Faithful To?